Chapter 119
The silence after my mother’s words goes on a little too long.
My feet don’t move.
Neither do my lips.
I stand there with my hands slack at my sides and my eyes locked on hers: I can sense everyone else moving slightly, shifting, breathing, but it feels like
I’ve been dropped inside a frozen frame, some slow–motion nightmare where the only thing moving is the throb behind my eyes.
I know they’re all staring at me.
Waiting.
Waiting for me to react. To scream. To throw something. To fall apart.
But I can’t take my eyes off her. Not yet.
Her face is wet now–shiny in the light, as tears trail down both cheeks. She’s doing that thing where people cry without blinking. Maybe she thinks if she holds my gaze long enough, I’ll understand. That I’ll see her regret, her sorrow, and forgive her.
But I don’t feel forgiveness.
My ears throb with the rush of blood, and it feels like I’m dragging a lifetime of memories behind me.
“I guess this explains why you hated me,” I say.
She flinches. “No-”
“Don’t even lie about it. At least accord me that respect. Look me in the face and tell me you hated me.”
She opens her mouth and closes it again. A fresh tear slips down her cheek, catching on her lip.
“I… At first, yes,” she admits, voice cracking. “I resented you, Knox. Hated the fact that Julian seemed to like you more than his own kid. He’s always loved that stubborn sister of his. I knew she was going to be trouble.,She came out of nowhere with a child, and he let her stay in the house. She didn’t even last a day before some things went missing in the house and she was gone. She left you lying on a fucking couch crying.”
Her voice shakes,
“I was so mad, I transferred that hatred to you. Everything I did in the past, Knox, it was a different me. I’m trying to make amends for them. I want you all to live happily together. This constant bickering isn’t going to help anybody…”
I’ve heard enough.
I turn, already moving for the door. Every muscle in my body coils with a fire that won’t burn out fast enough. They can all go to hell.
“Knox, wait!” she calls after me. I hear her footsteps quicken, hear the wobble in her breath as she catches up and grabs my arm. “Don’t go like this. Please. You are my son. You will always be my son. I might have had resentments toward you, but I never did anything to hurt you. Don’t is against
- me. Don’t hold it against your father. It’ll break his heart. He’s just too stubborn to admit he still cares about you. Don’t let him know you’ve found out. Please.”
That’s when I whirl around.
“You think I give a flying fuck who my biological parents are?” I say. “Just a few seconds ago, I stood in the center of this room and realized that all those years ago, you knew.”
Her eyes widen.
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Chapter 119
“You and Dad came home to find Lydia in the tub. And you knew Finn was lying. But you backed him up. Because he’s your son.
She opens her mouth, breath catching.
“I won’t lie,” she says, slowly raising her hands like she’s trying to calm me. “I suspected. And I’ve been trying to make amends for that.
“By calling the girl he molested back to save him?” I laugh, and it’s not a good sound. “When do you ever stop?”
“What the fuck,” Finn says suddenly. “How many times do I have to say this to you, Knox? I didn’t assault her. When we had sex, it was very consensual, I was trying to tell you that day, but you only wanted to decorate my face with your fist–”
“Consensual? I found her in a tub with her clothes ruined. Were you some sort of sixteen–year–old dragon that anything consensual would lead to her broken and crying?”
“That wasn’t even the day we had sex, for God’s sake! You only listen to your own damn self. That’s the problem.”
“Then why did you lie?” T bark. “If you weren’t hiding something, why did you put it on my head?”
“I panicked,” he says. “If Dad found out what actually happened, he’d kill me, and a lot of people would get in trouble. I knew he’s softer with you. figured he’d forgive you more quickly than he would forgive me. Lydia and I only had sex once–and that was because I thought you slept with her. I felt if you had her, I should.”
My mouth goes slack in confusion. What the hell is he even saying? He’s not even ashamed. He says it like it makes sense. Like that logic checks out in any universe. And the way his face stays flat, smooth, emotionless–it just makes me want to slam it against a wall until it breaks apart.
Thankfully, I’m not the only one mad. Lydia lunges at Finn before I can. Her fists pound against his chest.
“You son of a bitch!” she yells. “Was that why you pretended you cared about me? Because you thought I and your brother were having an affair?”
He tries to block her hits, grabbing her wrists.
“What did you think it was?” he says. “I had a girlfriend-
“That you stole from your brother!” she snarls. “You used me!”
“You wanted to be used.”
“I wanted to be loved, you idiot!” she sobs. “You broke my heart!”
Her voice cracks on the last word. And then her hands drop, limp, and she presses her face against his chest, heaving.
He doesn’t say a word. Just slides his hand into her hair, holding her like she’s made of fragile paper.
I’m standing there, fists at my sides, heart bucking like a caged animal as I watch them. It’s like I’ve stepped into someone else’s nightmare.
What the hell is happening right now?
Mom drops into the nearest chair and buries her head in her hands.
I swear, for a second, I actually think about joining her. Sitting down. Holding my head the same way. Because I’m this close to losing grip. My skull feels too full. Every voice, every word, every memory is making my temples pound. My thoughts keep running into each other.
I can’t take one more second of this without speaking.
“Wait a minute,” I say. “If he didn’t touch you that day–why were you crying in the tub? Why did you say you were assaulted?”
Lydia stiffens.
She slowly backs away from Finn and turns to face me. It’s like she just remembered other people are in the room.
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Chapter 119
“1…” she whispers. “We were supposed to hang out that day, Finn and 1, but he didn’t show up. So I traced him to a house party and found him but Delilah. He told me he’d broken up with her. I got angry and… took something at the party. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I woke to sore. Naked. And then I rushed home, and you saw me crying in the tub.”
She swallows hard, keeping her eyes down so she can’t look at my face.
Thank God for that–because I’m not thinking any good thoughts right now.
“It’s nice you’re telling them the truth for once,” Finn yells. “Go on. Tell them it’s not my baby.”
“He has your face,” Lydia fires back.
“Doesn’t mean anything. We have to do a DNA test. I’m not accepting this.”
“Finn, stop talking,” Mom says wearily from the chair. “I brought her here so there can be some peace. All you have to do is say you’re sorry for what happened and tet this all stop. Take responsibility for what did.”
you
“You all are not going to pin this on me!” Finn snaps. “I know all their names. Those boys she hung out with. We’ll find them. We’ll do the test. No one’s accusing me of what isn’t mine.”
“We’re not doing any test, Finn. I’ll make sure your father transfers whatever he stipulated for you in his will to that boy if you don’t do what is right.
“You can’t do that! That’s Dad’s money-”
“And I’m his wife.”
“This is just madness,” Finn mutters.
It’s like I’m watching them through glass. All their voices blurring into each other–accusations, deflections, that same pathetic scramble to protect themselves. Their mouths move, their arms flail, but none of it touches me. Not really. I’m standing right here, and somehow, I feel a mile away. Detached. Numb in a way that burns.
And then it hits me.
I hate them.
Every last person in this room.
As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more than 1 hate Finn, Lydia, and my mother right now.
“Shut up!” I say, cutting Finn off midspeech..
They all stop and turn.
“So let me get this straight,” I say, lifting a hand and pointing at Lydia, not even bothering to hide the disgust curling in my mouth. “All those years ago- when you sat in that tub crying, while Finn accused me in front of my mother and father of sexual assault–you didn’t keep quiet because you were traumatized, did you?”
Her eyes widen, panic blinking behind them.
“I… I was still a little upset,” she stammers.
“Upset?” I repeat. “Upset that strangers at a party took advantage of you? Or upset that Finn didn’t give a shit about you and you realized you were just a warm body to him?”
Chapter 120
