Never a Substitute–2
I ran my hand through my hair. I felt frustrated and scared. Mostly because the timing of this realization was so fucking bad!
“I think it was always there. Probably after Leo was born. I also think you didn’t allow yourself to love her because you were hung up on memories of Aurora. She was your first
love, so you chose her as your mate, believed she was your true love. It’s not possible to live with someone for seven years and feel nothing for them. I know you, Seb. If you didn’t
have feelings for her, you wouldn’t touch her at all.”
“Sex is a biological need, even more so for werewolves. I was just getting what I needed
from her while still hating her. I’m ashamed to admit it, but sometimes I imagined she was Aurora,” I told him, feeling sick about my attitude toward her.
“Really? Did you imagine you were having sex with Aurora because you missed her, or because you needed something to hold yourself back? Something that would keep you from enjoying the intimacy with Thea because you felt enjoying sex with her would betray the memory of Aurora that you were holding onto?”
I sat on the stool, completely dumbfounded.
I’d never thought of it that way. I admitted I was attracted to her; otherwise, how could I
explain being able to get it up for her?
Maybe Damien was right, I used Aurora as an excuse to escape my true feelings for Thea.
In my mind, I had already betrayed my ideal lover once; how could I betray her again and again by sleeping with Thea and enjoying her body? It all made sense at the time, but
now I was starting to realize that maybe Aurora was never the right one for me.
“Fuck. I completely messed up,” I said loudly, feeling the heavy burden on my shoulders.
“Do you still love Aurora?” he asked, and I shook my head no.
“Are you sure? Has all your love for her completely disappeared?” I thought for a minute before answering.
“Yes. When she first came back, I thought it would be our second chance. It took some time to realize it all felt wrong. I wouldn’t even let her kiss me.”
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Never a Substitute–2
“That should have been my first clue that I had no feelings for her anymore. Plus my jealousy towards Kane.”
I couldn’t begin to explain the rage I felt every time I imagined Thea with Kane. It was an all–consuming, irate emotion.
“I think you realized your feelings for her after losing her. Seeing her happy with another male awakened the love you had suppressed. Your obsession with Aurora seven years ago was because of the sudden ending between you two. Neither of you got any closure. That’s why you both held onto each other’s memories for so long.”
I understood what he was saying, and it definitely made sense, but it didn’t help my situation. Too much damage had already been done. I’d said things that could never be taken back. Done things that would forever be imprinted in her mind. I’d destroyed her
with my own hands.
“What are you going to do?” he asked after a while.
“I don’t know. I was blinded by Aurora before, but not anymore. Thea is perfect, and she can have any male she wants. Leo made it clear that there are already wolves circling
around her.”
I felt utterly demoralized. What was there to stop her from falling in love with someone
else?
She wasn’t just beautiful but smart, caring, kind, and loving. She had a heart of gold and loved deeply. Any male would be lucky to have a she–wolf like her.
mean, she even changed Kane. I saw it in his eyes. From initially wanting to kill her without remorse to falling in love with her. How incredible is that? I was such a stupid
fool not to realize the treasure I had.
Damien patted my shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll figure out something. I have faith in that.”
I wish I could have as much faith in myself as he did, because deep down, I knew I didn’t
deserve her, and my greatest fear was losing her to someone who truly deserved her love.
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