Chapter 59 – Back Home
Stella
My bedroom inside of Adrian’s home feels different. It is a place that I used to call home, a place where I was able to relax and be myself without having to live up to anybody else’s expectations.
Laying in bed, I look around the room. The walls are completely bare, void of any lingering reminders that I used to live in this small area of his home. The empty walls serve as a reminder that I am a guest in his house, not the woman who used to co–exist with him until a loveless marriage.
I feel rather unlucky to be back inside these walls. My bedroom feels like a cage that I once escaped out of and have been thrown back into. It feels like a punishment rather than a place for me to rest.
Adrian gathered and packed up some of my belongings from my apartment to bring back home. He brought more than I anticipated. It is almost as if he is expecting me to permanently move back in with him, a silent plea for me to reconsider our divorce.
We know that it is for the nest, though. He knows it. He knows that there is no more hope for us.
Adrian and his sudden kindness and warmth towards me is unsettling. I feel as if I am trapped inside a lion’s den and am going to be the next meal that he eats.
To him, this bedroom may seem like a safe haven for me. In actuality, it is just another hospital room that reminds me of the countless surgeries that he has signed my body away to do.
I can afford to let him think that what he is doing is a good thing. Just because he thinks that taking care of me will wash away the sins he has committed against me doesn’t mean that I can’t remind him of what he has done wrong.
It is because of him that my body is frail. It is because of him that I can no longer live life to the fullest, forced to socialize and work from the safety of my own home because my body won’t allow me to stand for hours on end.
As the days pass me by, Adrian has been extra attentive towards me.
Whenever I need to get up and go to the bathroom, Adrian is there to help me out of bed and open every door for me. I have to push him away, keeping him outside, just so I can get some time for myself.
Before bed, he helps me change into new and freshly cleaned pajamas. The clothes smell of the softener he loves. The clean scent was something that I enjoyed too during our marriage until it became another reminder that he has used me and my body for the past six years.
Now, the smell makes me nauseous.
Whenever the time rolls around for me to go to a doctor’s appointment, Adrian makes sure that I eat a hearty breakfast, having one of his maids cook it while he writes down and tells me questions that he is going to ask the doctor.
Adrian tries his best to answer questions about my health but ultimately I have to fill the doctor in on exactly what has happened to me. He can never meet my gaze during this time, shame written all over his face whenever the doctor shoots him a disappointed look.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He would ask as soon as we left the building.
“You didn’t care then, why would you care now?” I would retort back.
He helps me in and out of the car. He always makes sure to put on music that I enjoy, having a few missteps the first couple of times because he assumed that I like what Clara likes.
1/2
Chapter 59–Back Home
+25 BONUS
His constant care and attention makes me uncomfortable. I try my best to keep him at a distance, reminding him that we are in the process of a divorce and not vow renewals
Every time that I remind him, Adrian’s face contorts with sadness before his face hardens. I feel indifferent towards him now. His constant care seems fake to me.
Does he truly think that I will forgive him once I am healthy enough to go back to living on my own? Does Adrian not realize that he will never be back in my good graces?
I cared for him once. I loved him in the beginning years of our marriage. That is all in the past, though, and thankfully I am not the same girl that I used to be.
“Are you okay?” Adrian asks as he helps me back into my bed.
I do not hold onto him. His fingers remain curled around my arm as he helps me sit down, my lips turned down and into a scowl. As soon as my body touches the mattress, push his hand away and reach for the covers, sliding it over my body.
“Is there anything I can get for you before I go and work in my office?” Adrian follows up his question with another one.
“No,” I keep my answer sharp and to the point. I do not want to look at him or be in the same area as
than I have to.
“Are you sure? I don’t mind getting you water or-”
“Why are you doing this to me, Adrian?” The question leaves my mouth before I realize it.
him more
The blonde haired man looks at me with confusion written all over his face. His posture straightens and he clears his throat, avoiding my gaze. He scratches the back of his neck, looking down at me.
“What? Why are you asking me this, Stella?” he asks in a low tone as if he is afraid someone outside will hear us.
It only makes me more angry.
I scoff. I turn my face in the other direction and grab my laptop, placing it on my lap.
“Stella, did I do-”
“It’s fine, Adrian,” I interrupt him before he can spew any bullshit excuse as to why he is being so nice. “Just go. I want to be alone.”
Adrian freezes. I continue to move, opening my laptop and moving to some random page on the internet, opening up a video archive that I like to scroll through every now and then.
After a beat, Adrian nods and turns on his heel, silently exiting my bedroom. As soon as he steps foot through the doors, I push my laptop away and lay down on my side. I hug a pillow to my chest and bury my face into the soft material.
I allow my sobs to leave my body, muffling them into the pillow.
I can’t tell if Adrian is doing this because he actually cares or if he is doing this to feel better about himself. It depresses me, makes me want to crawl into the depths of my bed and hide until he loses interest in me again.
If he hasn’t been there for me in the past, why should I even think that he will be here for me now?
This whole situation leaves me feeling so confused. If there is one thing that I am certain of, though, it is the fact that I will never allow myself to love or trust Adrian ever again.
#C
